Letting Go....

My mind is such a crazy thing.  I know I should be excited about Olivia's second birthday party, but for some reason my excitement is clouded by my anxiety about having a messy house after.  I know people are going to read this and tell me to just get over it, but it is not as easy as that.  When you have suffered with this for so long, it is so hard to just let go of just because you want to and know that is what is best for you and your family.  I know that my drawers are a little messy and my front closet isn't as clean as it should be, and why am I worrying about these things???  Instead of focusing on the fun we are going to have this afternoon, I am thinking about when I am going to get a chance to clean the house after everyone leaves.  (I am typing this because I am hoping that getting it out in words is going to help me deal today)  Trust me, if I could, I would snap out of this craziness.  I have come a long way, but I still have a long way to go.  I don't want to waste my summer worrying about keeping the house clean...I know I miss out on so much when I do that.  I want to sit outside by the fire at night and play with Olivia at her sand and water table and have lots of people over for bbqs often....even going to cross lake for the week next week and then my dad's for the week after that makes me a mess because I know I have to pack and sometimes that makes my house a little disorganized. 

Well there, I feel like that helped a bit.  I am going to go cut up the cheese now for the party and I am going to do my best tonight to not worry about my closets, or drawers, or the floor and just focus on my beautiful little girl who will too soon grow up and then I will want the floors messy again.  Thanks for listening, I feel better already :)